If Greg Chappel ever writes an autobiography, thats what it should be called. After all, we have been subjected to more experiments with our cricket team in the last one year than what I ever did in the chemistry lab. Okay, so now you'll say here's another guy who thinks he knows more about crikcet that the players or coach of the Indian team. But then, I am an Indian, and isnt it the birth right of every Indian to toss a few knowledge bites about cricket, irrespective of whether he knows the game or not? So here I am, exercising my right.

Lately, following the Indian teams fortunes is like buying a lottery and hoping that you hit a jackpot. But then, people still buy a lottery, so whats wrong in rooting for India. So what, if they lose to the second string side "South Africa XI" (or something like it). I was following that match closely and I am writing this, solely, to vent out my frustration which creeped in while following the ball by ball coverage on the internet.

Indian team should be duly credited for certain things. Firstly, have you ever counted how many careers we have revived in the past 10 years. People who had forgotten the art of scoring runs came to India (or called India to their home country) and have become the best players overtime. Remember Chanderpaul before India's tour of West Indies in 1997? Or remember Matt Hayden before Australia came to India in 2001. Younis Khan in 2004-5, Gayle in 2003 ...well, too many to list. So here's a cue to the rest of the boards, if they think they have a potential batsman who cannot live upto the expectations, arrange a series with India. We will help you. We are nice people and we dont disappoint foreigners. West Indies team was almost dead and buried before India's tour this year. And now, suddenly we have given them hope. Now, we have a relatively easy task. South Africa, although jaded, is a good team. All they need is some matches with India and they should be all set for the World Cup. Its not fair that Aussies dont get the taste of Indian blood before the WC. I am of the opinion that everyone should get a fair chance. So, a series with India before a crucial tournament like the WC should be based on bidding. That way each board gets a fair chance and our board makes money. English Board members, you need Trescothick for Ashes, have him play against India. We will put a smile back on his face and get him out of depression.

But, jokes apart, I seriously do believe that we can start winning matches. After the warm up game in SA, I thought that India's only problem is facing pace. None of our batsmen played Steyn well. That includes Rahul Dravid. You will say that he made 79. But he made most of those runs when Steyn was off the attack and he surrendered as soon as Steyn came back to bowl. So, all we need is a few changes in some 'unfair rules'. With the clout and the money power which Indian board has, making these changes will be as simple as plucking a grey Hair (pun intended). So here are the new rules:

1. Only one fast bowler should be allowed per team. Its not fair that we face a battery of Ntini, Steyn and the likes, while we give them Zaheer, Pathan, Kumble (cmon, he is the best fast bowler India ever produced).

2. Only one ball above 140 kmph allowed per over. Our bowlers get tired with that kind of an effort. SO, just because you guys are strong, you should not be allowed more. Cricket is a gentleman's game. Brute power should not be the deciding factor in winning or losing.

3. The opposition should name 2 players at the start of the game (from 11) who will not affect the fate of the game in any way. We have named Raina and Mongia already. So, now its your turn.

4. We will not take the field if we see grass on pitch. Dust and cracks are okay. You have the entire outfield to plant grass.

There might be some more additions before I submit these to Mr Pawar and Mr Modi. Suggestions welcome.

PS: Everyone praises the tactics "when the boys do well". And everything looks fine when the team wins but it also hurts as much when we start to lose. So, please, sense the humor and sarcasm in the words. We have a great team which is just going through a bad patch (the ever optimistic Indian fan's answer to Australia). So, I wish Rahul and his boys good luck for the South Afirca tour and the World Cup ahead.